Tag: doesnt

Daughter-in-law doesn’t want to forgive adultery

After she decided to stop running around, her husband welcomed her back immediately and acted like nothing had ever happened. My father-in-law told me that I was also to act like nothing had ever happened, and that this was forgiveness. That directive destroyed any remaining feelings I had for either of them.

I have made peace with this, but the respect I used to have for them is gone. They want it all to be puppy dogs and rainbows again, but I am not capable of that. I am polite; I go to family gatherings, but it feels like a chore. My husband tells me he understands (he is disappointed, too), but I know he would like me to be friendlier. I just can’t.

I would feel best not having to be around them at all, but we want our kids to see their grandparents. What would you recommend?

UNFORGIVING

A. People can be stupid, unethical, dishonest, and hurtful. In a long marriage, partners sometimes betray one another, and demonstrate that they are flawed partners and parents.

Because of your personal history, you set great store on your in-laws to be the perfect parents that you never had. Unfortunately, they turned out to be the imperfect parents that many of us have.

Among the mistakes they made were to involve their son as a go-between in their marriage. They also seem to be insisting that you erase your memory bank and carry on as if this family drama had never happened.

Ideally, because they involved you in the problem, they would also involve you in the solution by telling you: “We are working out our problems within the marriage. We hope that you will hang in there with us while we do that.”

The way for you to recover from this is not to drink a cup of “instant forgiveness,” but to explore your own capacity for forgiveness. As ever, true forgiveness would benefit you more than them.

I think it is natural and normal — and shows good judgment — to go through a period of deep skepticism while you do that, but your goal should be to arrive at a nuanced and mature understanding.

Q. After a Little League baseball game, my wife and I took our daughter’s family of five to a new mid-scale restaurant for lunch. With three pre-teens, we were understandably seated in a larger adjoining room.

After we ordered, three dads with a total of five pre-teen boys were seated nearby. The dads sat at one table, and the “boys” at another. Immediately the boys became very animated, screaming and laughing continuously. We glanced at the parents and boys several times, with no resulting effort by the parents to quiet their boys.

Our server apologized, but did not make any effort to quiet the boys. Near the end of our meal, the manager offered to move us into the bar section, but it was too late.

I gave the server a generous tip, but

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Ask Amy: Daughter-in-law doesn’t want to forgive adultery

After she decided to stop running around, her husband welcomed her back immediately and acted as though nothing had ever happened.

My father-in-law told me that I was also to act like nothing had ever happened and that this was forgiveness. That directive destroyed any remaining feelings I had for either of them.

I have made peace with this, but the respect I used to have for them is gone.

They want it all to be puppy dogs and rainbows again, but I am not capable of that.

I am polite; I go to family gatherings, but it feels like a chore. My husband tells me he understands (he is disappointed, too), but I know he would like me to be friendlier. I just can’t.

I would feel best not having to be around them at all, but we want our kids to see their grandparents.

What would you recommend?

Unforgiving: People can be stupid, unethical, dishonest and hurtful. In a long marriage, partners sometimes betray one another, and demonstrate that they are flawed partners and parents.

Because of your personal history, you set great store on your in-laws to be the perfect parents that you never had. Unfortunately, they turned out to be the imperfect parents that many of us have.

Among the mistakes they made were to involve their son as a go-between in their marriage. They also seem to be insisting that you erase your memory bank and carry on as if this family drama had never happened.

Ideally, because they involved you in the problem, they would also involve you in the solution by telling you: “We are working out our problems within the marriage. We hope that you will hang in there with us while we do that.”

The way for you to recover from this is not to drink a cup of “instant forgiveness,” but to explore your own capacity for forgiveness. As ever, true forgiveness would benefit you more than them.

I think it is natural and normal — and shows good judgment — to go through a period of deep skepticism while you do that, but your goal should be to arrive at a nuanced and mature understanding.

Dear Amy: After a Little League baseball game, my wife and I took our daughter’s family of five to a new midscale restaurant for lunch.

With three preteens, we were understandably seated in a larger adjoining room.

After we ordered, three dads with five preteen boys were seated nearby. The dads sat at one table, and the “boys” at another.

Immediately the boys became very animated, screaming and laughing continuously.

We glanced at the parents and boys several times, with no resulting effort by the parents to quiet their boys.

Our server apologized, but did not make any effort to quiet the boys.

Near the end of our meal, the manager offered to move us into the bar section, but it was too late.

I gave the server a generous tip, but the server

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Trump says he doesn’t know who Proud Boys are, but tells them to ‘let law enforcement do their work’

President Trump said he is unfamiliar with the far-right Proud Boys, a day after he made headlines for telling them to “stand back and stand by” during Tuesday night’s presidential debate.

“I don’t know who the Proud Boys are, I mean, you’ll have to give me a definition cause I really don’t know who they are. I can only say they have to stand down and let law enforcement do their work,” the president told reporters on the South Lawn Wednesday afternoon. “Law enforcement will do the work more and more as people see how bad this radical liberal Democrat movement is and how weak, the law enforcement is going to come back stronger and stronger. But again, I don’t know who Proud Boys are, but whoever they are, they have to stand down, let law enforcement do their work.”

Trump added: “Just stand by. Look, law enforcement will do their work. They’re going to stand down, they have to stand down. Everybody. Whatever group you are talking about, let law enforcement do the work.”

Many Proud Boys celebrated the president’s remarks during the debate. One prominent organizer, Joe Biggs, said that the president gave the group a “shout out” and noted that the group would take his message to heart. They also started using the phrase “stand back and stand by” as a new slogan.

His comments on Tuesday night, which came after he was asked to denounce white supremacy during the debate, sparked criticism from Democrats, and members of his own party urged him to clarify what he meant.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he agreed with Sen. Tim Scott, one of three black U.S. senators, who said Trump misspoke and “should correct it.”

“He said it was unacceptable not to condemn white supremacists,” McConnell said of Scott’s response. “And so, I do so in the strongest possible way.”

Scott, a South Carolina Republican, told reporters it appeared Trump misspoke.

“If he doesn’t correct it, I guess he didn’t misspeak,” Scott said.

On Wednesday, the president brought the conversation back to antifa and far-left wing violence, which he also did during the debate.

“Now, antifa is a real problem, because the problem is on the Left. And Biden refuses to talk about it. He refuses to issue the words ‘law and order.’ You saw that last night when he choked up. He can’t say those words because he’ll lose the rest of the Left. So, he’s got to condemn antifa,” Trump explained. “Antifa is a very bad group.”

Over the last couple months, protests and demonstrations took place all across the country as many sought to raise awareness about racial injustices, and police brutality, against people of color. Amid those protests, there were also riots and destruction, which many claim were carried out by antifa. In some cases, far-right extremists sought to stop the damage, and it resulted in deadly clashes.

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